Today was the one year anniversary of my Mom's passing on her 92nd birthday...Labor Day 2011. I didn't know how I'd feel today...of course, sad that I couldn't call her in Salina, Kansas and wish her a Happy Birthday or email Petals Flowers and order her a nice fall bouquet. It was the first time in my life, in fact, that I couldn't call her or send a card or somehow be in touch on her birthday.
I think I wrote on fb about the eerie fear that creeps up on me every January in anticipation of my Groundhog Day birthday on February, 2nd. It must have been the frequency of reading obituaries in the paper and noting that people often do die on their birthdays. Then MOM did it! Maybe my fears were "prophetic" about her all the time!
I might add that I am not "ready to go" until I finish writing my testimony book...and I remind myself of that every January as we approach Ground Hog Day!
It may be that I subconsciously postpone writing that project in hopes of delaying the "end". Silly as that may be...I think the frail human brain...at least mine...does play those kind of games with us.
Mom had had enough suffering with Barrett's Syndrome cancer...and she lived through four years of laser treatments at the Rochester Mayo Clinic...to keep the diseased lesions at bay. She loved food...but it became impossible to swallow toward the last few months of her life ...and tube feeding was the beginning of the end for her.
Though I had a stormy relationship with my mother...off and on my whole life...she was "MY MOM"...and I miss the phone calls.(even though she often responded in a cranky and disapproving voice to whatever I shared!) I do great impersonations of her comments...and anybody who knew her says I sound just like her!!
I didn't see much of Mom after she left her 36 year widowhood behind to marry her high school sweetheart when they were both 77. She asked me to sing at their wedding and I got to visit her in her adopted home in Kansas three times...including attending her joint 90th Birthday Party with my step-dad.
To Remember Mom's birthday today I called him. He is a well-known retired realter named Gib Wenger who turned 93 in June... as Mom would have been today. He still drives...and was heading out for lunch with friends, but he was glad that I called...as were my Dad's two sisters...my Aunt Anita (Nete) in Arizona and Aunt Kas in Iowa. Distance keeps us apart in miles but not in spirit...and with my aunts...the telephone is still "the next best thing to being there". Their generation and mine...know the value of the human voice connection. I am thankful to still have the freedom to visit with a few people on the phone rather than only being in touch via the internet.
YET...without the internet I wouldn't be writing this blog! I protest too much! In case you are reading!
Happy Birthday Mom...the slate is clean...
Love and Peace at last...
Your "unpredictable" and multi-named daughter!
Rebecca/Becky/Jana/Christy
